Grow, Heal, and Connect
A Journey to “Thrive More Together”
On a scale of one to ten, how connected would you say you feel to the people in your life? On that same scale, how connected do you feel to your inner self?
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get lost in the hustle, forget our own needs, and disconnect from the people around us.
As a Breakup & Relationship coach, I’ve noticed this is particularly relevant when going through a breakup or facing relationship challenges, as our lives are shaken up in ways we often aren’t prepared for. But what if joining communities where people feel truly seen, heard, and connected—where they can thrive together– is an important piece of the solution toward being well?
That’s one central question explored in an inspiring conversation I had on L3 Philosophy™ with Jen Earls, a community dance leader, performance artist, and advocate for regenerative impact. Our episode, which you can watch on YouTube here, offers insights about healing, rebuilding, and strengthening relationships—both with ourselves and others—that shed light on a deeper, more fulfilling way of living. Through her organization Dance for Humanity, Jen helps people reconnect with their bodies, emotions, and communities through dance, creating spaces where individuals can thrive by honoring their own needs while deeply listening to those of others.
Let’s apply the key takeaways from my interview with Jen to your unique life situation. We touch on themes of self-empowerment, honoring boundaries, and the importance of community especially during times of personal challenge or life transitions. Jen’s experiential stories and the wisdom she shares invite us to slow down, listen more deeply, and create a culture where everyone has the space to be their authentic selves.
Slowing Down to Listen
Take a moment to reflect on how you normally react to a stressful situation.
What do you do?
For some people, distraction or doing things to help them escape the present moment helps them cope. Other people may internally shut down or avoid challenges and conflict completely.
Jen suggests that cultivating a practice of slowing down and being present with ourselves and others can have a profound impact on well-being. “It really, to me, is about this presence—slowing down and holding space and listening and being receptive to ourselves and others,” Jen explained.
So much of modern life is filled with distractions, worries, deadlines, and obligations. As a result, we often rush through conversations and relationships, without taking the time to truly listen or connect. Jen reminded us that listening deeply is a practice—a spiritual one. It’s about creating a space where we can tune into our own needs and the needs of others, and then respond with care, empathy, and kindness.
Jen’s approach to listening goes beyond just hearing words; it’s about attuning ourselves to the emotions and desires behind those words.
Whether in a dance class, a conversation with a friend, or a moment of self-reflection, being present means engaging fully with what’s happening in the here and now. “We have a lot of gifts to share with our presence,” Jen reflected, emphasizing that simply being present with someone is often the greatest gift we can offer.
As a Breakup & Relationship coach, one of the most common complaints that the women and men with whom I work share with me is that they feel disconnected from their partner in their romantic relationship. Here’s the thing - Disconnection comes from a lack of presence. Oftentimes in a relationship, someone is spending time and energy repeating thoughts of past hurt or thinking about what they will say to their partner in the future. Instead of actively listening, they are thinking about how they will get their point across once the other is done talking. One or both parties are not allowing the other to be fully understood, seen, and heard through the other’s presence.
Another common occurrence is that when someone is going through a stressful time, such as divorce, they are not present with their friends, coworkers, or even their life in general, making them feel lonely and isolated due to interactions that are not fulfilling nor meaningful.
Reflection and Practice: Notice how your body feels at any moment, particularly a stressful one.
What does it feel like?
Where do you feel it?
How does it change when you focus on the effects of taking 3 slow, deep breaths?
What might you notice after doing this practice that you didn’t notice before?
Write down your experience in your journal.
The Power of Boundaries and Honoring Ourselves
One of the central themes that emerged from my conversation with Jen was the importance of honoring our own needs and setting healthy boundaries in every situation. Jen shared a powerful story about a recent dance experience that illustrated the significance of staying true to ourselves, even in social or communal settings.
She recounted a moment when a woman at a dance event was invited to dance by a man. However, after a moment, the woman realized the song felt a bit too romantic for her comfort, and she chose to decline the dance. Instead of going along with the situation to avoid discomfort or conflict, the woman listened to her own feelings and communicated a boundary, such as "I don’t feel comfortable dancing this particular song with you, but maybe the next one."
Jen was deeply impressed by this interaction. “It’s something I’ve been working on, but I realized that we can also change our minds.” This simple but profound act of asserting her boundaries was not only empowering for the woman but also healing for Jen to witness.
The idea that we can change our minds, especially in social situations, is a crucial reminder that we don’t have to stick to our initial choices if they no longer feel right for us. It’s a powerful way to reclaim our agency and ensure we’re honoring our needs at every moment.
Jen emphasized that it’s okay to make mistakes or feel unsure. She highlighted that it’s all part of a continuous learning process. “It’s okay if I mess up,” she said, “and I need to try again next time.” This self-compassion and openness to growth are essential parts of healing and learning how to navigate relationships with more authenticity and ease.
Reflection and Practice: What is a need or desire of yours that you want to more zestfully honor? Write in your journal one or more boundaries you can set for yourself or toward others that supports you with this.
The Importance of Compassion and Self-Love
Change, personal challenges, and even new beginnings can bring about loads of self-doubt, an onslaught of self-judgment, and fears or insecurities about the future.
In our conversation about my L3 Philosophy™: Love yourself, Love your relationships, Love your life, Jen touched on the importance of self-compassion and self-love, especially during moments of difficulty or struggle. Life isn’t always smooth sailing—there are bumps, challenges, and moments of deep uncertainty. Jen shared that there are days when she feels overwhelmed and doesn’t want to get out of bed, but instead of pushing through those feelings, she pauses, takes a deep breath, and holds space for herself.
This practice of holding space for ourselves is an act of self-love. It’s about acknowledging that we are human, with our own vulnerabilities, and giving ourselves permission to not have everything figured out all the time. “I just had a day like this the other day where I’m like, I don’t want to get up. I don’t want to do this today,” Jen confessed. “And then I just paused, and I went in, and I really held some loving space for myself, and an amazing realization came out of that.”
Jen’s ability to honor her own emotions, even the difficult ones, is an example of self-compassion. By giving ourselves the space to feel, reflect, and grow, we create the foundation for greater resilience and emotional well-being. This approach doesn’t just apply to Jen; it’s something we can all integrate into our own lives as we navigate our personal journeys.
When I work with coaching clients, two core skills we deep dive into is how to identify emotions in ourselves and in others, and whether our personal narratives are supporting us or holding us back. Many times, by simply reframing our thoughts and experiences to be more self-loving, we can learn to see things in a new way that helps us make progress rather than pulling us back into the past or remaining stuck in the present.
Reflection and Practice: Notice when you are having an emotional response to a situation. What is one way you can practice more self-compassion in that moment?
Life Is a Continuous Journey
I’ve learned that growth is not a one-time event but a lifelong process. The struggles and challenges we face don’t simply disappear—they transform us, shape us, and push us to grow in new ways. Jen’s personal story of overcoming cancer at the age of 14 offers a powerful example of how a difficult experience can serve as a catalyst for deeper self-awareness and a more meaningful life.
She explained that her diagnosis of Hodgkin’s lymphoma was not just a physical battle but an emotional and spiritual one as well. The experience forced her to confront the possibility of death at a young age, and it shaped her understanding of life, purpose, and healing. “That was really, really challenging for me as a teenager to go through something that no one else around me was really going through,” she reflected.
Through all of this, Jen has learned that healing is not linear—it’s ongoing. There are days when it feels like nothing is changing, when we don’t want to get up or face the world, but through patience, self-compassion, and the support of others, we keep moving forward. “It’s an ongoing journey,” she noted. “It’s always going to be like that, and that we can sit with ourselves, have others whom we trust sit with us, and help us through that.”
Reflection and Practice: What is a challenge you faced in the past that was instrumental in your growth? What can you learn from a challenge you are facing right now that will help you evolve as a person?
The Impact of Supportive Communities
Even if you’re more of an introvert, like me, human beings are designed to be social. This means that we have core needs that can only be met through all kinds of relationships with others. Of course, it is crucial to take responsibility for our own behaviors, but that doesn’t mean we need to do it alone.
One of the things that impresses me about Jen’s work is her commitment to creating communities where people can truly thrive together. She works with various dance communities, including Latin dance and ecstatic dance groups, to foster a sense of belonging and shared purpose. As Jen described it, the goal is to create spaces where people can:
Connect with one another
Support each other’s well-being
Collectively work toward making the world a better place
“Thrive more together,” she said, summing up her mission in a simple yet profound phrase.
When we talk about thriving together, it’s about more than just coexisting in the same space. It’s about creating a culture of mutual respect, understanding, and collaboration. It’s about building relationships that honor the full spectrum of human experience—our joys, our struggles, our desires, and our fears. Jen’s approach encourages us to look beyond surface-level interactions and build deep, meaningful connections with others.
This philosophy also ties into the importance of sharing and contributing within a community. Jen pointed out that if we truly understand one another’s values and desires, we can remove much of the uncertainty that often accompanies human interactions. In a thriving community, everyone feels seen and heard, and that understanding naturally leads to more fulfilling and authentic connections.
Reflection and Practice: Are there any communities you would like to join or explore? Are there communities you would like to have deeper, more meaningful connections within?
Final Takeaways
Self-Compassion and Self-Love are Key: Life’s hardships can bring self-doubt and insecurity, but practicing self-compassion during tough times is key to overcoming those challenges. By reframing our personal narratives to be more self-loving, we can make progress and build resilience.
Honoring Boundaries: It’s okay to change your mind and set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being. Communicating these boundaries clearly can empower both you and others.
The Power of Presence: Being truly present with ourselves and others is one of the most important gifts we can give. Slowing down to listen and respond with care fosters deeper connections.
Healing is a Lifelong Journey: Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line. Embrace the process of growth, and allow yourself to feel and reflect without judgment.
Community and Connection: Building thriving, supportive communities where everyone’s needs are honored helps everyone grow together. Creating these spaces is important for people to feel seen and heard.
By integrating these practices into our daily lives, we can create a world that is kinder, more compassionate, and more connected—one person at a time.
If you enjoyed this article and want to expand on the reflection exercises in it, then you might like one of my guided journals, which you can check out here!